Day 4: Squash-Thingy

The Act

Giving a squash-thingy

Expected Outcome

Confused but accepting. How else would someone react to gettign a decorative squash?

Result

Pretty much what I expected.

Note

Why a squash-thingy? Because I screwed up and forgot to plan out today's act. I only had the squash because someone at work made them for a meeting. It's only day 4 and I'm already taking shortcuts. I really need to plan out a good one for tomorrow as well as the weekend.

Day 3: Card

The Act
A store-bought card

Predicted Outcome

It will be a surprise so I expect an eye roll and a smile. However, my wife is going out of town for the day so I won't get to see her first reaction.

Result

She directly thanked me for the card when she got home last night and it was a warm thank you. She seemed genuinely pleased. While figuring out things to do will become more difficult (I already have a few ideas ready to roll), this project is already making me think more aobut how to treat her nicely. I'm excited to see how it pans out.

Day 2: Foot Massage

The Act

Give a foot massage

Predicted Outcome

This is something my wife loves, particularly in a post-baby situation, so I expect a pleased reaction. While it may not be as overt as the flowers, the act of the massage will probbaly give her more pleasure. The difficulty lies in just remembering to give her the massage tonight; evenings can get hectic.

Result

The foot rub was no big production. I slipped onto the couch and grabbed the toes while holding a conversation about my day. Slow and subtle wins the race, right?

Day 1: Flowers

The Act

Purchased flowers

Predicted Outcome

Positive, but guarded. This was the major suggestion my wife made to show appreciation. The purchase of the flowers will likely be taken as a sweet but uninspired token of affection. However, it gives me a place at which to start the project.

Result

As expected, her response was underwhelming. No tears, no wild declarations of eternal loves. She blinked though. Maybe. But that's okay because I expected that. I predict that as I keep doing things for her, we'll see a slow crescendo passing through surprise, suspicion, confusion and esteem. Huzzah!

Wife Appreciation Month

I have been told that I sometimes lack in the appreciation aspect of my marriage. While I think I'm doing alright, my wife diagrees. As in so many things, my perception is not the most important; if she's unhappy, I'm obviously not doing enough. However, I am not especially spontaneous and often forget to follow through on loosely asssembled ideas. I am a planner and, thus, I am setting up a controlled, defined project. My personal challenge: I must show my appreciation every day this month.

The Problem

Unhappy wife.

The Project

Plan and execute one solely altruistic act for my wife every day from October 3rd to November 3rd (31 days)

The Parameters

• The act must be tangible. No vocal proclamations or verbal gifts. The point is to plan and execute, not improvise.
• The act must be additive. Not doing something she hates does not qualify.
• The act must be out of the norm. Chores are not shows of appreciation; they are things that must be done anyway.
• No repeats. There may be similar acts, but no clones in different media

The Outcome

Undefined, but hopefully positive

Fecal Freedom Fighters - Unite!

My wife and I had a discussion before our daughter was born about cloth diapering versus disposable diapering. They both had their pros and cons. For example, cloth diapering is ultimately cheaper, more environmentally friendly, and dermatologically safe. On the other hand, disposable doesn't require you to be elbow-deep in double-bubble super cute baby shit. We chose cloth (to the great disappointment of my gag reflex).

Now we have a new baby coming coming along and I'm revisiting the diapering issue. Cloth has worked well, but I'm ready for a change. I think for baby #2 that we should go free-range a.k.a. bare-ass naked.

#1: It's cheaper. Disposable are $20/100. Cloth are reusable at $12/diaper. Crapping on the floor is free. Even adding in carpet cleaner, I'd come out way ahead.

#2: It's "green" (both environmentally and literally, depending on diet). Do you know what baby crap is called in the wild? Fertilizer. I can pick it off the kitchen floor with a trowel and recycle it in an empty peanut butter jar! I can spread it in my garden and watch those tomatoes grow! I can feed it to my enemies and laugh as they die of E. coli!

#3: Good for the skin. No urine, no poop, no rash. A little bacon grease and I don't even need to worry about carpet burns. Weathering and exposure would be an issue...but I've solved that problem too.

#4: Crib-training. My brother has a pair of terriers that he cage-trained. They only use the bathroom in their cages and never elsewhere in the house. Now why couldn't I do that for my baby? Is she dumber than a dog? How is this significantly different from potty-training? When we're ready for her to start using the toilet, we can even just import the pad to the bathroom!

So that's the plan. Cloth diapering has been good to us, kept down costs, but there's a better method out there. If you're feeling daring enough, join me in my new crusade. Be a fecal freedom fighter.

Eternal Tuesday

Sunday is optimistic and exciting, but drinks too much and blubbers. Monday is boorish, rude, and beats his wife because dinner was burnt. Tuesday is meek, resigned to being looked over for a promotion she's been expecting for eternity. Wednesday secretly pees in the coffee machine. Thursday told him to do it, but avoids the blame. Friday is sleeping with Wednesday's wife, but still hangs out with Wednesday during Happy Hour. Saturday doesn't remember anything at all, not even breaking her father's antique watch.

Summer vacation is an endless string of Tuesdays. Weeks in June, July, and August have no beginnings or ends. There is no Monday because there is no work so that's a Tuesday. There is no Wednesday,  no "Hump Day", no halfway point. Halfway to where? Summer vacation is an infinite string of elephants. It's like that old riddle: A man rides into town on Tuesday, stays three days, and leaves on Tuesday. How? Because his Tuesday is Tuesday Tuesday!

And it's certainly not Friday.