Fecal Freedom Fighters - Unite!

My wife and I had a discussion before our daughter was born about cloth diapering versus disposable diapering. They both had their pros and cons. For example, cloth diapering is ultimately cheaper, more environmentally friendly, and dermatologically safe. On the other hand, disposable doesn't require you to be elbow-deep in double-bubble super cute baby shit. We chose cloth (to the great disappointment of my gag reflex).

Now we have a new baby coming coming along and I'm revisiting the diapering issue. Cloth has worked well, but I'm ready for a change. I think for baby #2 that we should go free-range a.k.a. bare-ass naked.

#1: It's cheaper. Disposable are $20/100. Cloth are reusable at $12/diaper. Crapping on the floor is free. Even adding in carpet cleaner, I'd come out way ahead.

#2: It's "green" (both environmentally and literally, depending on diet). Do you know what baby crap is called in the wild? Fertilizer. I can pick it off the kitchen floor with a trowel and recycle it in an empty peanut butter jar! I can spread it in my garden and watch those tomatoes grow! I can feed it to my enemies and laugh as they die of E. coli!

#3: Good for the skin. No urine, no poop, no rash. A little bacon grease and I don't even need to worry about carpet burns. Weathering and exposure would be an issue...but I've solved that problem too.

#4: Crib-training. My brother has a pair of terriers that he cage-trained. They only use the bathroom in their cages and never elsewhere in the house. Now why couldn't I do that for my baby? Is she dumber than a dog? How is this significantly different from potty-training? When we're ready for her to start using the toilet, we can even just import the pad to the bathroom!

So that's the plan. Cloth diapering has been good to us, kept down costs, but there's a better method out there. If you're feeling daring enough, join me in my new crusade. Be a fecal freedom fighter.

Eternal Tuesday

Sunday is optimistic and exciting, but drinks too much and blubbers. Monday is boorish, rude, and beats his wife because dinner was burnt. Tuesday is meek, resigned to being looked over for a promotion she's been expecting for eternity. Wednesday secretly pees in the coffee machine. Thursday told him to do it, but avoids the blame. Friday is sleeping with Wednesday's wife, but still hangs out with Wednesday during Happy Hour. Saturday doesn't remember anything at all, not even breaking her father's antique watch.

Summer vacation is an endless string of Tuesdays. Weeks in June, July, and August have no beginnings or ends. There is no Monday because there is no work so that's a Tuesday. There is no Wednesday,  no "Hump Day", no halfway point. Halfway to where? Summer vacation is an infinite string of elephants. It's like that old riddle: A man rides into town on Tuesday, stays three days, and leaves on Tuesday. How? Because his Tuesday is Tuesday Tuesday!

And it's certainly not Friday.